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THE SCALES OF JUSTICE HAVE THEY TIPPED TOO FAR?
It was Monday, January 6, the First Business Day of the 1997 New Year and the day everyone returns from Holiday Vacation and calls the Maestro.
.....The Maestro's phone was ringing off the hook- he had one caller on hold, one on the phone and one about to drop off into Voice Mail.
.....Every year the Porsche gods evaluate the Maestro's Performance the previous year and, based on how many Impossibly Rare Porsche Problems he's solved, how many engines he's Done Right, and how many Widows and Orphans he's helped out by honestly evaluating their Porsches, long distance over the telephone, by Fax and over the Internet, and either Reward or Punish him.
.....Last year, he must have done something right, 'cause he was certainly being Rewarded (he thinks), from the Multitude of phone Calls coming in with Wondrous New Impossibly Rare Porsche Problems to solve and MANY Amazing Coincidences to experience.
.....Some of the things he learned in the first few days of the New Year. were Enlightening and Uplifting. Others, downright Scary.
.....Let's take the nice ones first. Like the one that came in early on that First Monday in January, the day of continuous conversations.
.....Fortunately the Maestro had most all his Necessary Life-Support Equipment within easy reach of the 25-foot phone cord so he could carry on a conversation and perform most bodily functions.
.....The first uplifting conversation came from a Doctor who had just his engine rebuilt by a Mercedes Mechanic.
....."So, a Mercedes Mechanic rebuilt your 356 Porsche engine," asked the Maestro with a wary tone in his voice.
....."Why? Is that bad?," asked the Doc on the Phone.
....."Well," said the Maestro. "It's not as bad as having your Porsche engine rebuilt by a Ferrari Mechanic, as we have data on them- they like to set the Idle Timing to 30 degrees advance "just to get it running". Which means once your Engine IS running at Highway Speed, it then has SIXTY Degrees Advanced Timing! Which means you have Engine Destruction within a handful of miles!
.....We have Data on the Volkswagen mechanic too, who THINKS he knows Porsche (mainly by Osmosis) but doesn't. (The Worst case of this is when a VW mechanic attempts to "split" a Porsche case withOUT first removing the Flywheel.
.....Now, on a VW engine you CAN split the VW case without first removing its Flywheel. But a Porsche Engine Case has two remarkably strong 8mm studs and their associated nuts, one on either side of the Cam Plug, that must be removed first, BEFORE one tries to "split" the Case. To gain access to these two nuts requires you to REMOVE the Porsche Flywheel. Meaning: YOU GOTTA TAKE THE PORSCHE FLYWHEEL OFF- BEFORE you can split the Case!
.....You can also tell when a VW mechanic has "put together" a Porsche 356/912 Engine, by these two MISSING nuts around the Cam Plug that they FORGOT to install because a VW engine doesn't use them!
.....They who know not about these nuts, and think Porsche be VW will beat on the Case until disaster doth strike. They are but the Igors who carry the Curse of the Frankenstein Turkey.
....."But don't German Mechanics know German cars?" asked the VOP.
....."Yes- the ones they work on, certainly," said the Maestro. "But maybe not cars out of their field."
....."Yeah," said the VOP. "And that's why I bought your Book, Maestro- "Secrets of the Inner Circle". Unfortunately, my copy of "Secrets" arrived two days AFTER my engine arrived home, completely rebuilt by my Mercedes Mechanic."
....."Yeah, geez, that's too bad," said the Maestro having heard this Sad Story many times before. "And, ain't it always the case that The Books get delivered to your door a couple of days AFTER you did the Engine! It's Murphy's Universal Law of All Things. And, now I bet you wish you had "Secrets" BEFORE you did the overhaul?"
....."Oh, yes! In fact, after I read through "Secrets" do you know what I did?"
.....The Maestro confessed that no, he didn't know what the guy did after reading "Secrets".
....."I went out to my Brand-New, Un-run, Porsche Engine, that had JUST been rebuilt by my Mercedes Mechanic but never run-
.....AND TOOK IT APART!
....."WHOA!" cried the Maestro. "Let me get this straight- your Mercedes Mechanic drops off your Completely Rebuilt 356 Porsche engine at your door. Two days later "Secrets" arrives. So you read "Secrets", and then TAKE APART your 356 Engine that had JUST been rebuilt TWO DAYS before because you thought you might have a Problem inside your Brand New, Unrun Porsche Engine?"
....."Yes- because I knew we didn't rebuild the engine the way "Secrets" says. So I took it apart again!"
....."Very Smart Boy," said the Maestro. "And very Brave too. I know how much it hurts to tear apart something you've just built. Takes GUTS! So tell me, did you find anything Interesting inside to justify taking it apart?"
....."Matter of fact, Maestro- I most certainly DID! When I removed the Heads, I found that my Mercedes Mechanic had installed ALL of the Pistons- THE WRONG WAY! The Arrows on the Pistons were all pointing towards the PULLEY end of the engine, NOT towards the FLYWHEEL end!"
....."DOUBLE WHOA!" said the Maestro. "Your Mercedes Mechanic put ALL the Porsche Pistons in the WRONG WAY! How could he have done that? I mean- he must have THOUGHT about it first. I wonder,..." (Light Bulb Lights)
....."Oh, "BUT OF COURSE!" said the Maestro's Center of Higher Reasoning, snapping the Maestro's fingers. "The term "Front" to a Mercedes Mechanic may not be the same as "Front" to a Porsche Mechanic!"
.....Let's analyze that a bit further shall we, for therein lies an Important Point.
.....On a Mercedes, the "Front" of the Mercedes is the Front Bumper.
.....On a Porsche, the "Front" of the Porsche is the Front Bumper.
.....So, both the Porsche AND the Mercedes Mechanics will agree on which end of the car is which. That's a good start.
.....On a Mercedes, the notch or arrow on the Mercedes piston probably points towards the "FRONT" of the Car. And on a 356 Porsche Engine, installed in a 356 Porsche, the Arrow on the Porsche Piston does indeed point towards the FRONT of the car- the Flywheel- too.
.....So, had that Mercedes Mechanic followed through with that clear, blue-eyed Teutonic Logic from this good start, he would have been RIGHT!
.....But somewhere along the line the Mercedes Mechanic drifted off the road. Wonder how it happened? Did it happen something like this:
.....The Mercedes Mechanic knows that the Mercedes Flywheel is obviously at the REAR of the Mercedes engine, so then, thus, clearly, by Teutonic Logic the Porsche Flywheel should also be at the "Rear" of its engine too!
.....So, the Mercedes Mechanic then Visualized, "pictured" in his head, the Porsche Engine as if it were installed IN A MERCEDES!
.....Clearly then, with the Porsche Engine installed in the MERCEDES, the Porsche Flywheel is, indeed, at the REAR of the Car. So, reasons the Mercedes Mechanic, since the other end from "Rear" is "Front", the Arrows on the Porsche Pistons clearly must point to the Front of the Mercedes, er, car!
.....Absolutely Fabulous Teutonic Logic. Would get the Mercedes Mechanic an "A" at the University of Heidelburg.
.....But it's Absolutely Fabulously, WRONG!
.....You should picture the Porsche engine NOT being installed in a Mercedes (or ANY other car for that matter). You should picture the Porsche Engine as installed in a PORSCHE!
.....And in a Porsche, the Arrows on the Pistons are SUPPOSED to point towards the FLYWHEEL!
.....(Now, technically, the Porsche Flywheel is in the FRONT of the engine, so you could also say that yes, indeed, the Arrows on the Porsche Pistons do point towards the FRONT of the Porsche too. But someone probably named Richard would point out the 550 Spyder, which was mid-engine-ed.)
.....But the Mercedes Mechanic, Visualizing more than was good for him, hung all the PORSCHE pistons the Wrong Way- with the Arrows all pointing AWAY from the Flywheel. Towards the Pulley!
.....(This is not unlike the Big Bad Boo-Boo Mahle made that the Maestro saw a year two ago when a mildly-famous Importer called him in to IN-vestigate some 911 2-liter Pistons which had been placed inside 912 Cylinders in still-sealed Mahle Original Boxes. And since the 911 Piston is 80 mm diameter and the 912 Cylinder is 82.5mm diameter, the Piston-to-Cylinder clearance was a whopping 2.5 millimeter. That's TWO AND A HALF MILLIMETERS- almost an EIGHTH OF AN INCH Running Clearance- FROM THE MAHLE FACTORY.
.....Number 36 at the Mahle Factory, Inspector Costeau-like, passed this totally out-of-spec combination even though the 911 piston would FALL OUT of the 912 cylinder if the cylinder were turned upright. It was Terribly Teutonically WRONG in a Turkey sort of way.)
.....It took a LOT of cajones for this Owner to TAKE APART a Brand New rebuilt Porsche Engine done by a Mercedes Mechanic Two Days after getting " Secrets"!
.....After all, would YOU have torn down YOUR BRAND NEW ENGINE done by your mechanic who normally works on a different brand of car, just because of something you read in some Book that came in the mail that day?
.....Because the Owner found and CORRECTED not only this Disastrous Problem but another one too.
....."Did you find anything ELSE wrong", asked the Maestro. Knowing that ifin there be one Big Error inside, there likely be others.
....."YES!" Said the VOP. "After reversing the Pistons, I took your advice in "Secrets" and put solder and clay on the piston top and found the minimum Piston-to-Head clearance to be 0.029".
....."Hummh, Twenty Nine Thousandths Deck Height, that's pretty tight," said the Maestro. Most everyone including the Maestro recommends at least a millimeter (.040) clearance between Piston and Head.
....."But, " continued the Maestro flashing on the Right Thing to do. "Since you now have the Cylinder Heads OFF the engine, you can "CC" them- measure the Volume of EACH Combustion Chamber and set your Compression Ratio right where you want it!"
....."How can I do that, Maestro?"
....."Like it says in "Secrets, this can be done rather easily- by cutting (or having cut) a clear Plexiglas circle of 1/4", 3/8" or even 1/2" thick Plexiglas, of an inside diameter sufficient to fit inside the Cylinder Head and rest on the inside Sealing Surface of the Head- where the Cylinder normally seals.
.....Drill a 1/4" or 3/8" hole in the center of the Plexiglas circle as a way of adding fluid, and there you are- a "CC-ing device".
.....Coat the circumference of the side of the Plexiglas disk that'll be touching the Head with stopcock grease (or Bosch Distributor Grease, or PAM in an emergency). This helps to make a good seal with the head and keep the liquid in.
.....Then, with the Valves and Spark Plugs obviously in place, dip a 50cc Pipette (available from most any Science supply store unless banned by the Government by now), into some solvent or WD-40 and dump the entire contents of the Pipette - all 50 cc's +/-0.01cc at 23 deg C- into that Chamber of the Head that has the Plexiglas Cover in place.
.....Fill a 0-10 cc Graduated Pipette, and slowly drip the contents down the hole in the Plexiglas disk, while keeping the air "bubble" visible and centered under the hole in the clear Plexiglas cover.
.....Fill the Combustion Chamber with fluid until the air bubble goes away and the fluid is at the bottom of the hole in the Plexiglas cover. Read off how much fluid was required. That's the Head Volume for that cylinder.
.....Repeat on ALL FOUR Combustion Chambers. And then do it over again to get some semblance of statistics, after thoroughly drying the heads.
.....If you find the Head Volumes of all 4 "heads" is within 0.1cc, you get to sacrifice a Virgin because the Porsche gods have truly blessed you. Only a Matched Pair of Virgin heads, such as usually found on Industrial Engines, do that. (But when they do- WOW! Talk about a smooooooth engine!)
.....If the head volume variation side-to-side is within a half a cc, 0.5cc- that's Factory Spec.
.....If the Head Volumes are different side-to-side by say, 1.5cc's or more, that's too much. The "Net Squish Volume" of a 356/912 Porsche Engine is about 50cc's. A 1.5 cc difference in Head Volume is a change in Compression Ratio of about 3%. And 3% of say a 10:1 compression ratio is 0.3 compression ratio numbers.
.....So one cylinder may be OK at 9.3:1, but another might not at 9.6:1! Here, 1.5 cc's could make a significant difference.
.....Fortunately, by CC'ing the each Chamber and KNOWING what the head volumes ACTUALLY ARE, if one side IS 1.5cc's different from the other, you can bring them back into Spec by "Differentially Shimming" the small-volume side with an ADDITIONAL 1/4mm (.010") THIN copper gasket applied under BOTH cylinders of the lower-volume side. And There You Are- within Spec again!
.....A Rule of Thumb is: On a Big Bore Kit, Each 1/4mm thick Copper Base Gasket produces a volume change of about 1.5 cc's. (More accurate numbers are available in "Secrets".)
.....If you have a head where the head volumes differ by say .75 cc, you can put the higher volume chamber on #1 or #3 cylinder, and slightly reduce the compression on the most problematic cylinders. Thereby gaining Longevity.
.....There are lots of little "tricks" like these you can do once you KNOW the Head Volumes! Here, Knowledge really IS Power.
.....And once you know the Head Volumes, call the Maestro and he'll run your numbers through his Computer Program there'll calculate the Compression based on your Head Volume and most ANY Piston- from Stock ones of ANY diameter, to the 86mm NPR Big Bore Kit or any of the Shasta/JE pistons. Even Industrial Engine pistons.
.....Being a Doctor (hence the need for a Mercedes Mechanic), the guy did just that- and called the Maestro back the next day.
....."Hi," he said. "I'm the guy with the engine the Mercedes Mechanic rebuilt that I took apart and found the pistons installed backwards!"
....."Great," said the Maestro. "I've been hoping you'd call. Did you "CC" the cylinder head?"
....."Yep," said the Doc on the Phone. "I rigged up a cover for the Cylinder Head and used some of my larger Hypodermic needles."
....."And what did you get for Head Volumes," asked the Maestro, cutting to the Chase.
....."55.1, 55.2, 56.1 56.6 cc's." said the Doctor.
....."WHOA!" said the Maestro. "Again, you're One Lucky Owner- and one who has been doubly blessed by the Porsche gods for having the guts to take apart your suspiciously assembled engine!"
....."Why is that Maestro?" Asked the Med School Graduate.
....."Because," said the Maestro. "The Average 356C Porsche Cylinder head, when new, has 60-61 cc's in it. But YOUR Head has only 55 cc's! That's FIVE OR SIX CC's less! That means your Head mustave been Flycut a BUNCH! Probably Several Times!
.....There are ways to tell how much your head has been Flycut. You know that little raised section of Aluminum that forms a sort of "outline" around the Combustion Chambers of the head?"
....."Yeah, I think so," said the Doc. "You mean The little "raised" area kind of "outlining" the Combustion Chamber?"
....."Yes that's it," said the Maestro. "That little raised area is about oh, 1/16" or so- maybe 1-2 millimeters. So, ifin that "raised" area is completely GONE, your Heads have been Flycut a LOT- almost 2 millimeters!"
.....The Doctor looks at the heads and says "Why that's Amazing," Maestro. "The raised area IS almost COMPLETELY machined off! They've even started going into part of the first fin a little!"
....."That," said the Maestro. "Is a sure Sign that the Heads have been intimate with the Flycutter on several occasions. Now, take a look at the Sealing Surface of the Head, where the Cylinder normally seals. Is that flat area or "shelf" where the Cylinder rests about a quarter-inch wide, or is it more like 3/8" or HALF-AN-INCH wide?"
....."WOW!!, said the VOP. "Y'know, it IS pretty wide there- certainly more than a quarter-inch!"
....."Sadly, that's another Sign of severely Flycut Heads- the combustion chamber must necessarily curve around to meet itself, so as you cut deeper into the Head, the "shelf" where the Cylinder rests gets wider and wider. I'd say this is more proof that these cylinder heads were Flycut a LOT! And now I believe the 55 cc's you got for the Head Volume!"
.....Now, Five cc's may not seem like much, but to a Porsche 356 engine, a 5cc's change in the Head Volume is TEN PERCENT of the 50cc Net Squish Volume.
.....And a 10% change in Net Squish Volume means a 10% change in the Compression Ratio, too- In this case a 10% INCREASE! So, ifin the Compression Ratio before were 9.3:1 it'll be 10.3 to 1 NOW!
.....A 356/912 Porsche Engine with TEN POINT THREE TO ONE Compression Ratio running on the Reformulated Panther Pee that we now call gasoline would surely lead to no good.
.....Fortunately, the Maestro had his Compression Ratio Computer Program available that could run through the numbers quickly, even on the Shop's ancient IBM "XT".
.....And, yes, By George, the Compression Ratio on this Beastie with the Big Bore Kit would have been 10.3:1. And to bring the Compression DOWN to a 100,000 Mile Longevity 8.8:1 would require a .072" shim under the Cylinders.
.....But the Owner wanted to go a little faster and was willing to suffer shortened longevity. So, the Computer determined that a 1.0mm thick shim combined with an additional thin (1/4mm) shim for a total equivalent to 5 single 1/4mm shims, would give him sufficient Head and Valve clearances, AND a fun 9.3:1 compression.
.....So here we had a fully assembled, ready-to-go Rebuilt engine with TWO separate, hidden, lurking problems, any ONE of which would have maybe RUINED the entire engine within a VERY short number of miles- or at least required another tear down. The pistons would have slapped like Hell, having TWICE the
.....With the Pistons put in bass-ackwards the Piston "offset" is in the WRONG direction. So, instead of PREVENTING "Piston slap", the wrong offset CAUSED a Bahhhhddd Case of it!
.....Couple the Piston Slap tendency with the WAYYYYYY too high Compression Ratio, and that loud slapping sound would get mucho worse-o mucho quick-o.
.....Yes, clearly, the Mercedes Mechanic was certainly at a disadvantage here. Not only was he working on a Porsche whose Front and Rear were not clear, but that some of the parts inside were non-Factory Standard too!
.....And the Mercedes mechanic certainly DIDN'T KNOW that any engine a NPR Big Bore Kit almost ALWAYS must be shimmed with AT LEAST a 1.0mm thick copper base gasket to lower the Compression Ratio to something livable in these days of Methyl Tri-Butyl Ether.
.....And since the 1.0mm thick copper base gasket DOESN'T come in the Porsche Top End Gasket Kit, the Mercedes Mechanic wouldn't even THINK of using it. "Mien Gott! Ifin it not be in der Gasket Kit Ve don't use it!"
.....This was case of Teutonic Thinking stabbing you in the back. Here the Mercedes Mechanic NEEDED a little Innovative Thinking in order to use (successfully) a set of non-Factory Pistons that required a thicker shim that wasn't provided in the Factory Gasket kit. Teutonic Thinking sometimes prevents you from Innovative Thinking. Ask Adolph.
.....The Owner however wasn't of the Mercedes Mechanic persuasion and, being a Doctor, was sufficiently smart enough to realize that something might be wrong after reading all the Cautions in "Secrets", and man enough to take apart a BRAND NEW, NEVER-RUN engine.
.....Let's see, thanks to "Secrets" the Owner found two near-fatal Assembly Defects inside his engine and saved it from a Dose of Destruction, all for $26.95! Now, isn't THAT a Deal!
.....Saved in the Nick of Time! Fodder for yet Another Great Hollywood Movie. Or TV episode. Are you listening, Jerry? Mr. Seinfeld?
.....Next came a Fax from a Customer in the Southern Part of Africa who had a 1967 912 with, Potentially, a Major Problem.
.....He had called the Maestro Looooonnnnnhgg distance (12,000 miles worth), with an Oil Pressure Problem. The Problem was NO Oil Pressure! And THAT can be a Real Problem. Having NO oil pressure in your engine is not a good sign. It can ruin your whole day and your bank account too.
.....But before we "assume" the engine has no oil pressure," said the Maestro. "Let us first MEASURE the Oil Pressure by INDEPENDENT means. With a GAUGE!"
.....So the Maestro told the man from the South of Africa how to make a handy-dandy little oil pressure gauge that is easily attached to a Porsche 356 or 9122 Engine.
.....First, find a spare "hex nut" that the Oil pressure Idiot Light Switch normally screws into. Then remove either the fitting from the bottom of a spare Oil Filter Can, OR the fitting in the case that the Oil Line coming from the bottom of the Oil Filter Can screws into. Either one- the fittings are the same.
.....Screw that little fitting into one end of the Hex Nut.
.....Put this combination fitting-attached-to-the-Hex Nut into your pocket and go on down to your tribal hardware store and buy a "Water Pressure" Gauge which goes from 0-80 psi (I refuse to give Pressure in Pascals) AND with 1/8" pipe threads so that it will screw into the other end of the Hex Nut in your pocket. (Didn't know that the Oil Pressure Switch in 356's have American/British 1/8" Pipe Threads, did you? Now you do.)
.....Viola! A pressure gauge that you can hook up DIRECTLY to the engine for a quick, accurate, Independent Reading of the Oil Pressure.
.....Simple attachment to the Porsche Engine is accomplished simply by disconnecting the Oil Line going to the Oil Filter Can, on the left side of the Oil Filter Can, and hooking your "Porsche Oil Pressure gauge" to the free end of the Inlet Oil Line.
.....Which the guy from South Africa later faxed back that he DID. And when he fired the engine up again, with the Oil Pressure Gauge in Place, what did he get for Oil Pressure?
.....That's right- he got 0 psi again. That's ZERO! As in NONE. Again!
.....So he cried a little. Died a little. And disconnected the Oil Pressure gauge completely, leaving an open oil line Direct to Atmosphere! (Kids, DON'T do this at home to Daddy's Speedster!)
.....And started the engine again. And again, NO Oil came out of the Oil Line to the Filter. That's not a Good Sign.
.....And so he cried some more. And disconnected the oil line ENTIRELY at the Oil Junction Block. And fired the engine up with NOTHING plugging the Inlet Oil Line! And again, No Oil Came Out.
.....So he cried himself a Mississippi, and REMOVED the Oil Junction Block COMPLETELY- and all the stuff attached to it- leaving only the bare-naked "Standpipe" sticking straight up from the Case. This was his Last Try.
.....And fired up the Engine yet again!
.....Y'know, there must truly be an Abundance of Natural Resources in South Africa, for the Man from South Africa STRUCK OIL!
.....And oil sprayed like a Geyser all over the Engine, all over the garage floor, yes- even all over the garage's ROOF!
.....Yes, the line had unblocked!
.....So the Man from South Africa carefully cleaned and reassembled the Junction Block, and all its accessories, (noting from the Maestro's recent Column that all the VERTICAL Surfaces associated with the Junction Block take the ALUMINUM gaskets, and all the HORIZONTAL Surfaces associated with the Junction Block take the COPPER gaskets!)
.....He re-hooked up the Oil Pressure Gauge once again to the Inlet Oil Line and fired the engine up once more, with feeling.
.....NOW, he had Oil Pressure! Not too bad Oil Pressure either- 40 psi at Idle, 55-60 psi at 3000 RPM.
.....Just about Normal.
.....But the Man from South Africa DID notice, while cleaning up the oil mess on the floor, lotsa little bronze pieces in the oil.
....."What could that be," he asked the Maestro over the long distance lines.
....."Well," said the Maestro. " Sadly, I'd say they are wear particles from the only things brass or bronze in the Engine- either the Distributor Drive Gear, the Valve Guides, the Wrist pin Bushing or sadly, the Rod Bearings."
....."Ooooh, said the Man from the South of Africa. "What can I do?"
....."Dump the sump screen and magnet NOW. Inspect the screen and magnet. If you see lots of copper or aluminum colored pieces, that's a BAD sign. If you see LOTS of hair on the Magnet, that's the Crankshaft wearing badly! If you see only a little "peach fuzz" on the Magnet, that's usually Rings.
.....Clean and Refit the sump, put fresh oil in it, run it 100-200 miles and drop the sump again. See if the particles increased, deceased or remained the same. Go another 100-200 miles dump the sump again. Continue this until either there are NO particles or that it's Real Obvious that something is wrong.
.....It will either get Better or it'll get Worse. (Sometimes much Worse!) Ifin it gets better, there's no problem. If it gets worse, call me again.
.....If you still had low (or no) Oil Pressure, I'd say take it apart- NOW! But, since you have "Normal" oil pressure- not obviously low- I think it's a gamble with a Reasonable Chance of success.
.....The Man from South Africa said he'd check the sump and report back.
.....Whew, it was now almost evening and the Maestro hadn't eaten lunch yet. Between the Faxes and the Phone calls and the E-Mails, the Maestro's spent seven hours that day on the Phone, learning new things and dispensing advice to the World Wide Web of Perplexed Porsche Owners.
.....It went on like that, nonstop, for a sold week.
.....And, boy was it FUN! Like the Mickey Mouse Club, the Maestro learned something new every day. Sometimes about things other than Porsches. One of the following items may affect YOU personally:
.....Did you know that most ALL the Citroens in Canada died a Horrible Death in the recent past? Bet you didn't. Do you CARE? I didn't think so. But read the Story anyway.
.....How did that happen to happen to a car known for its crazy Hydraulic Suspension- a car you can Change a Tire on withOUT a Jack- by appropriate manipulation of the Citroen's ride height.
.....During the Canadian Winter (which lasts 10 months of the year), the Hydraulic system allows Citroens to pump themselves up on their suspension and ride High above the Snow Drifts that all other cars must plow through.
.....But then one day, the Citroen Dealers in Quebec get a supply of new "Synthetic" Hydraulic Fluid, which the Dealers dutifully put into most of the Citroens in Quebec.
.....Yep. You got it, pretty soon all the Citroens in Quebec were suddenly "kneeling down" down to some unseen god.
.....That's right- the Synthetic Hydraulic Fluid, like the California Reformulated gasoline, was incompatible with the Seals in the Citroens' Hydraulic System. Large Leaks resulted, emptying the Citroens' Hydraulic Systems.
.....A Hydraulic system without any Hydraulic Fluid is a fish out of water. No pun intended.
.....So ALL the Citroens in Quebec soon found themselves without a working Hydraulic System and could no longer Rise Above the Snow but had to plow through it just like everybody else. They were reduced from the high-flying Elite to the Hoi Polloi, all from a disease in their weird green blood.
.....That's Murphy playing his ever-present game with Mankind. Worldwide.
.....The next phone call was from an Owner who asked about where the Important Engine Numbers were. Numbers like the Engine ID or Case Casting Number.
.....The Maestro told the guy where to look and then received some return info that was SCARY!
.....Seems as though the VOP wanted to overhaul his engine himself- and do most of the work himself. Like CC'ing the head and balancing the pistons.
.....To balance the pistons, the VOP decided to use a Triple Beam Balance, just like the one the Maestro used in the Engine Assembly Video Tapes. A wise choice- a Triple Beam Balance is accurate to about a tenth of a gram- much too good for Government work, but just about right for Porsche Piston balancing.
.....KEEP THE 356 FAITH!
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